Why Parents Drink
Let's talk kids today. Specifically, my kids. I have 3 girls. They're 13, 10, and 5. They are the joy of my life, the apple of my eye, the pain in my ass...
I don't know about you, but school is getting all technology fancy. They have an app called Class Dojo that the teachers use that allow them to keep track of kids and assign them points. They can message the parents off that app too and the parents can message them. I knew about it when I taught, but that was closer to parents than I wanted to be. I applaud the teachers who take that risk.
But I digress...back to my kids.
We've established that my kids teachers can instantly message me, right? The other day I got this message from my 5 year olds Kindergarten teacher.
She peed. Outside. On the playground. During recess.
This is a kid that is appalled (because she's under the impression that her bladder will not last till we get home) when I suggest we pull the car over and she can pee in the bushes on the side of the road. She stops crying to say "eww, gross!" then promptly goes back to crying.
Yet, she will pee on the playground. During recess. In Kindergarten. In front of peers or maybe she hid...I really don't like to think about it.
Then there was last week....
I took all three of them to the doctors. The older two needed their yearly check ups while the younger one just tagged along because there was no way in hell I could make it back to pick her up from school in time. I was thrilled to see that the flu shot was available. I had all three kids which meant I could wipe them all out with that measure...all at once. It was a big mom win...or so I thought...
Fast forward past all the boring stuff of having them looked at, talking about puberty, practically begging for the doctor to explain to my middle small child why taking her vitamins are a GOOD thing (But they taste dusty. Really? Come on child!) to the flu shot. Past history showed me that PJ was pretty good about taking shots. She always took them like a champ even going so far to proclaim how much they DON'T hurt. Not this time. This time, she starts freaking out. She's kicking and screaming. She jumps off the table and runs to the door. Rachel (the oldest) had to move quickly to block the door or I'm pretty sure she would have run all the way home and I never would have caught her. PJ then proceeded to kick and hit Rachel and myself, clawing to get away from the dreaded flu shot, screaming SO loud that I'm pretty damn sure that the whole state of Delaware can hear her. Meanwhile I'm trying to grab her and you know, do the WWF head lock so that the nurse can stick the needle in her...I gave up after I swore her head turned 360 degrees...i needed a break.
I moved on to Kara (the middle child). There she was cowering in the corner and whimpering that she didn't want the shot. She reminded me of when the puppy senses that my husband is mad at her and runs behind the couch. I got her moved to the exam table. Then she turns into PJ. Screaming. Kicking. I had to WWF pin her rigor mortis body (she thought going stiff would prevent the needle from going into her...like Luke Cage's skin...) to the table while the nurse put the needle in. Success! Except she was convinced her arm no longer worked because the shot was so painful. Well, if you wouldn't have tensed up like a dead person MAYBE your arm would work....
Going back to the possessed PJ... I swooped in, picked her up (I was pretty sure I had enough adrenaline going through me that I could have picked up a car..or two at this moment) locked my legs around her torso and wrapped my arms around her upper body and screamed at the nurse "Do it! Do it now!" The MOMENT the needle goes into PJ's arm, she instantly stops screaming, looks at the needle and says "I forgot, it doesn't hurt that bad."
They're both lucky they're cute. Most of the time. They were also lucky that at that moment I was thinking about the bottle of wine I had at home. That bottle doesn't exist any more. I'm pretty sure that saved their life.
THIS is why parents drink. Because of shit like this. You thought having kids would be rainbows and sunshines. No one told you what to do when your kid gets possessed. But that's ok...that's why booze was invented. Pretty sure it was invented by a desperate parent.....
I'd love to hear your stories of the parenting things that made YOU drink. Drop them in the comments. I KNOW i'm not the only one...
xoxo
Sara
I don't know about you, but school is getting all technology fancy. They have an app called Class Dojo that the teachers use that allow them to keep track of kids and assign them points. They can message the parents off that app too and the parents can message them. I knew about it when I taught, but that was closer to parents than I wanted to be. I applaud the teachers who take that risk.
But I digress...back to my kids.
We've established that my kids teachers can instantly message me, right? The other day I got this message from my 5 year olds Kindergarten teacher. She peed. Outside. On the playground. During recess.
This is a kid that is appalled (because she's under the impression that her bladder will not last till we get home) when I suggest we pull the car over and she can pee in the bushes on the side of the road. She stops crying to say "eww, gross!" then promptly goes back to crying.
Yet, she will pee on the playground. During recess. In Kindergarten. In front of peers or maybe she hid...I really don't like to think about it.
Then there was last week....
I took all three of them to the doctors. The older two needed their yearly check ups while the younger one just tagged along because there was no way in hell I could make it back to pick her up from school in time. I was thrilled to see that the flu shot was available. I had all three kids which meant I could wipe them all out with that measure...all at once. It was a big mom win...or so I thought...
Fast forward past all the boring stuff of having them looked at, talking about puberty, practically begging for the doctor to explain to my middle small child why taking her vitamins are a GOOD thing (But they taste dusty. Really? Come on child!) to the flu shot. Past history showed me that PJ was pretty good about taking shots. She always took them like a champ even going so far to proclaim how much they DON'T hurt. Not this time. This time, she starts freaking out. She's kicking and screaming. She jumps off the table and runs to the door. Rachel (the oldest) had to move quickly to block the door or I'm pretty sure she would have run all the way home and I never would have caught her. PJ then proceeded to kick and hit Rachel and myself, clawing to get away from the dreaded flu shot, screaming SO loud that I'm pretty damn sure that the whole state of Delaware can hear her. Meanwhile I'm trying to grab her and you know, do the WWF head lock so that the nurse can stick the needle in her...I gave up after I swore her head turned 360 degrees...i needed a break.
Going back to the possessed PJ... I swooped in, picked her up (I was pretty sure I had enough adrenaline going through me that I could have picked up a car..or two at this moment) locked my legs around her torso and wrapped my arms around her upper body and screamed at the nurse "Do it! Do it now!" The MOMENT the needle goes into PJ's arm, she instantly stops screaming, looks at the needle and says "I forgot, it doesn't hurt that bad."
They're both lucky they're cute. Most of the time. They were also lucky that at that moment I was thinking about the bottle of wine I had at home. That bottle doesn't exist any more. I'm pretty sure that saved their life.
THIS is why parents drink. Because of shit like this. You thought having kids would be rainbows and sunshines. No one told you what to do when your kid gets possessed. But that's ok...that's why booze was invented. Pretty sure it was invented by a desperate parent.....
I'd love to hear your stories of the parenting things that made YOU drink. Drop them in the comments. I KNOW i'm not the only one...
xoxo
Sara
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